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It seems the overriding feeling I've had the past few days is one of apathy. I've got too much time on my hands, and not much of an idea of how to pass it in any kind of meaningful way. I wish I could volunteer for something, but I'm not allowed to while I'm still waiting on the decision whether or not I qualify for benefit (and by now, I'm starting to think I may need it). And then, when the decision comes through and it's a yes, I'm not allowed to because I've got to keep myself available for proper jobs 40 hours a week.

I got another rejection e-mail the other day. Funny, how things have changed since the first time I ever looked for work. We wrote letters then, handwritten ones even, and got carefully typed letters back; 2 usually, a confirmation of receipt followed shortly after by a rejection letter. Now, we fill out forms on the Internet and the rejection e-mail pops up in your inbox days later, from noreply@wherever.com. No embossed papers with fancy letterhead that you can put in a manila folder and take to show your job centre 'workcoach' that you have been trying to find work, just a crappy print-out with a few lines in Courier. That's if you even get a reply, that is. Some companies won't even bother, I've noticed. You have to ring and find out that way that you're not what they're looking for.

My days are kind of same-y, really, which makes it kind of easy to forget what day it is exactly. The other day, thinking to get my grocery run done early, I was puzzled as to why the high street should be deserted and the supermarket closed at 8:15 am on a Thursday morning, so I walked on about half a mile to the station knowing there'd be people there whatever might be going on and asked a member of staff why things were so eerily quiet everywhere. He looked at me like I was from another planet before answering "Ascension Day, Ma'am, Ascension Day". And now it's Whitsun and that's very nearly caught me unawares as well.

I'm out of step with other things, too: for the first time since Andrew Lloyd Webber started selecting his leading man/ladies by means of a BBC talent competition, I've not been rooting for the person who ultimately won. To be honest, I hadn't been rooting for anybody...quite the opposite, in fact. There were two people I had to wait for what felt like a long time before they were eliminated, but other than with Connie, Lee and Jodie when it had been their audition process, there was no one I felt particularly passionate about should win it this time.

Several days on and I'm still more than content about the way Ashes To Ashes ended. But did it really have to be Dutch gangsters that killed the Quattro?

Comments

( 4 Speak Like A Child — Shout To The Top )
desdemonaspace
May. 25th, 2010 12:06 am (UTC)
Gah! I wish a proper door would fly open, and they'd say to you, "YOU'RE the one!"

I'm sorry this is so hard on you. You've had a lot to deal with recently.
gamiila
May. 25th, 2010 09:36 am (UTC)
Thanks. The thing I'm waiting for at the moment is for the weather to change. The future always looks brighter when you've got to wear shades ;-).
suze2000
May. 25th, 2010 12:16 am (UTC)
Being out of work can do that to you - make you lose track of time. I'm surprised there's a holiday for Ascension Day though. I mean, really? Even if it falls on Sunday, which I wouldn't know, that's still surprising for such a progressive society as the Netherlands.

You'll get something soon, I just know it. Don't panic. :)
gamiila
May. 25th, 2010 09:50 am (UTC)
Based on the biblical account of Jesus being taken up into the heavens after his ministry on earth come to an end, Ascension Day is celebrated on the 40th day after Easter; this makes it always fall on a Thursday, and yes, it's one of the few public holidays we still have in The Netherlands (the others being New Year's Day, Easter Monday, Queen's Day, Whitmonday and Boxing Day). I don't know why it should be so, but in other years, I've been happy to have that one day extra off work ;-).

I'm sure I'll find work eventually, but for my own sanity, I hope it's going to be sooner rather than later.
( 4 Speak Like A Child — Shout To The Top )

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