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Slight panic this morning when I woke up to find my LJ account had been reverted back to Basic overnight, because I'd forgotten to update my credit card details in time. I overcompensated in putting it right and now I've got 201 user pics that I don't suppose I will ever even fill.

And it's not as if I can afford to splurge out on frivolities these days. I'm having a real hard time making ends meet on unemployment benefit - even though I've cut back as much as I possibly can, I'm still having to make up a several hundred euro shortfall from my savings at the end of every month. What with Sinterklaas and Christmas looming large in my future, and the news that our healthcare insurance premiums will go up from January 1st, I see no reason for optimism.

Most disheartening of all is my growing conviction that it will be nothing short of a miracle for me to find a job and be back in work again (with the added bonus of regular social interaction as well as a bills-covering wage) any time soon, as so far all of my -not inconsiderable- efforts have proved fruitless. Even though discrimation on the grounds of gender, race, religious conviction or age is punishable by law (and in my case, it's my age and the accumulated number of years of experience that is the stumbling block) employers can easily circumvent this problem by blandly stating that the applicant "does not fit the desired profile" and free themselves up to hire younger, cheaper labour that for all sorts of reasons will be easier to get rid of should the economic situation go into a double dip, which the papers tell us is entirely possible. Every rejection letter/phone call I've received so far has employed the same excuse and my confidence and energy levels have been sapped by each and every one of them, while my stress and anxiety levels have soared through the roof, to the point where I can't think straight or sleep through the night without waking up in a cold sweat at least once. Also, I'm feeling massively sorry for myself, which isn't really helping, either.

Finally, to add to my woes, the other day when I went to have my hair cut, I was surprised to see how flecked with grey it had suddenly become.

Comments

( 17 Speak Like A Child — Shout To The Top )
deborahw37
Nov. 21st, 2010 12:26 pm (UTC)
((hugs)) Keep on keeping on! There's a job out there for you and a company who will appreciate your skills and experience.
gamiila
Nov. 21st, 2010 05:09 pm (UTC)
I'm sure there is but I wish it wasn't taking me so long to find them!

Heigh-ho, we'll start the search again tomorrow.
suze2000
Nov. 21st, 2010 01:02 pm (UTC)
*hug*

This is what's making me sad at the moment. Though it's the most wonderful song ever written.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fCNvZqpa-7Q

The singer is from my hometown so I can see the whole scene with his family so clearly, as if it were mine.

500 Euro is a lot of money, I really hope it turns around soon for you. *hug again*
gamiila
Nov. 21st, 2010 05:05 pm (UTC)
That's a lovely song; but then, I must admit I've always been partial to the more than personal, autobiographical content of many of Tim Minchin's lyrics. Ooh, I feel all Christmassy now!

500 euros is a lot. I really need to find a way to economise even more; maybe spend my days in the public library rather than at home, and save on gas and electric that way.
curiouswombat
Nov. 21st, 2010 02:47 pm (UTC)
I really, really, wish I had a wand to wave - or even a job for you...

Is there anything you could do freelance? Or even set up on your own? My niece has just started her own cleaning business (not that I'm suggesting you take up cleaning particularly!) - she reckons, although her income will fluctuate, she'll not be totally dependant on other people's decisions about what hours she should work, what she should wear, or who they will or will not keep in post...
gamiila
Nov. 21st, 2010 05:15 pm (UTC)
Freelance work has all but dried up at the moment, as as for setting up on my own: I'll need a business plan and a friendly bank manager -- and there aren't many of those around these days! Besides, I'm not cut out of any kind of entrepreneurial cloth. But thanks for casting your mind over the possibilities, anyway!
enigmaticblues
Nov. 21st, 2010 02:56 pm (UTC)
*hugs*
gamiila
Nov. 21st, 2010 05:15 pm (UTC)
Thanks.
empresspatti
Nov. 21st, 2010 03:28 pm (UTC)
*massive hug* I know I can't say anytning that can help your situation - but I sure understand your anxiety. It's kneecapping and endless. I hope the situation improves dramatically for you.

I've been grey since my 30's. So is everyone else, under the dye.

gamiila
Nov. 21st, 2010 05:20 pm (UTC)
Thank you.

I stopped dying my hair about two years ago, because I was curious to see what colour it was (I mean, I knew I was a brunette, but I'd forgotten what shade). Now I'm sort of sad to have to go back to the dyes again, but I'm just not ready to wear the grey with equanimity, let alone pride, yet.
bogwitch
Nov. 21st, 2010 04:02 pm (UTC)
This all reminds me of the last time I was unemployed. At least I was temping, but all my savings still evaporated.

Fingers crossed things get better for you soon.
gamiila
Nov. 21st, 2010 05:25 pm (UTC)
One of the things that I'm most disappointed at, is that I can no longer get a tempting job -- the agencies are all very apologetic but these days the margins in employing older more experienced personnel are just too slim (if they can even persuade their clients to take them on).
bogwitch
Nov. 21st, 2010 11:03 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I was earning peanuts.
ljs_lj
Nov. 21st, 2010 06:45 pm (UTC)
*sends hugs and positive energies*
gamiila
Nov. 22nd, 2010 07:31 pm (UTC)
Thank you kindly.
evenstar_estel
Nov. 22nd, 2010 02:17 am (UTC)
You n' me both, as you well know. It is indicative of the world today. Too many people are in the same rotten situation. At least we can comiserate with each other *hugs*
gamiila
Nov. 22nd, 2010 07:34 pm (UTC)
Well yes, there is some truth to that old adage of 'A problem shared...'

I really hope your luck (and mine!) will turn around soon.
( 17 Speak Like A Child — Shout To The Top )

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