July 6th, 2004

gamiila sig #2

The camera never lies

calove sent me some pictures taken of me during our recent sojourn in New York. Of course, I already knew that my waistline had expanded over the last twelvemonth, but to know and to see are two different things altogether.

My mother and sister are reed-thin, true Orientals. I, OTOH, have always had a far more sturdy build, and, since age 13, boobs. One morning, I woke up, and there they were, B-cup sized. I remember I was horrified, and from that day on I was never comfortable unless I could wear something loose-fitting enough to hide the damn things.

But, even if I wasn't completely happy with my Marilyn Monroe figure, I never had a problem maintaining my weight until I hit 30. I began losing my sight and was diagnosed with a (benign) tumour pressing on my optical nerve. In order to tackle this problem I was put on large doses of Prednison both before and after surgery, and I swelled up like a balloon. About a year after my first surgery, I was allowed to come off the medication, but I remained somewhat bloated-looking. The doctors told me that it would take a year or more for me to regain my previous shape, and so I never really worried when it didn't happen. On the contrary: I got distracted by the fact that the tumour returned and I had to go through the whole thing again. And after that, it came back once more, in 2001.

My past episodes of blindness have typically lasted 8-10 months; my recovery after that usually took 2-3 months more. They were periods of great boredom and very little activity, so I'm not surprised that I started to gain weight again after each incident, when in 1997 I was over the moon that I'd finally recovered my pre-tumour form and figure (except for my boobs, which were now definitely D-cup sized, and have remained so ever since, much to my chagrin). However, I have noticed in the last year that I don't seem to be able to lose any of the weight I've accumulated since last time. And I'm getting quite worried now...

I lead a sedentary life. I work in an office. I sit on my arse all day. I do yoga, but I hate the thought of real exercise: I don't like jogging. I don't like aerobics. I don't like bicycling. But I do like chocolate.

I eat my greens and non-fattening foods, but they don't seem to do much for me. I'm getting quite disheartened. What is a girl to do?
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