Dad hates it in the nursing home. He says it's worse than prison, and he wishes he were dead. I understand why he would say that; he can't get off the ward, so is forced to spend his days in the communal area, where the home's inhabitants all sit around without speaking. There's a bird cage, but none of them seem to pay the parakeets and budgerigars any attention. He's lost his reading glasses, but even if he had them, there aren't any books to read; and for someone like him who used to smoke like a chimney, it must be very hard to only be allowed one cigarette an hour.
I spoke to one of the nurses. She says he spends most of his time lying on his bed. I think it's out of boredom, but Dad says it's because he can't sleep; the man in the bed next to him makes too much noise. "I told him, one more peep out of you and I'll beat you to a pulp" -- hardly the kind of attitude to win him any friends, and definitely not the kind of threat the staff take lightly. They've already complained to my mum, and he's only been there 6 days!
It's early days yet; perhaps he will settle in later. If he doesn't, as awful as it may sound to say it, perhaps he really would be better off dead.
I spoke to one of the nurses. She says he spends most of his time lying on his bed. I think it's out of boredom, but Dad says it's because he can't sleep; the man in the bed next to him makes too much noise. "I told him, one more peep out of you and I'll beat you to a pulp" -- hardly the kind of attitude to win him any friends, and definitely not the kind of threat the staff take lightly. They've already complained to my mum, and he's only been there 6 days!
It's early days yet; perhaps he will settle in later. If he doesn't, as awful as it may sound to say it, perhaps he really would be better off dead.
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Study after study shows how hard it is for men to adjust to nursing homes - not that it is so easy for women either. But that loss of independence is so very hard.
Sometimes it really helps if they find a friend. I would imagine that is hard also - women outnumber men so much in nursing homes. I sure hope he finds someone to talk to ....
The problem with Dad is that he hasn't been coping with any kind of semi-independence for quite a while now, and it's gotten to the point where he really can't be left to his own devices anymore. Having said that, it broke my heart to see him so despondent today. I'd like to see him make an effort, because really that's the only way forward for him now.
Unfortunately, it always seems like some dire event precipitates the nursing home lock down. I'm terrified one of my Parents is going to fall down a flight of step, because they still insist on living in the big house with the stairs to the bedrooms. They refuse to downsize or even discuss a more senior friendly environment - and when they get to the point where they can't drive they will be even more isolated.
Getting old is not for sissies.
Those would be my priorities right now because there's nothing worse than boredom and it sounds deadly boring!
I wish there could have been another solution, but this, for him, is the end of the road. The care home won't have him back, and the only other option would be that I take him in...and I'm not prepared to do that. It would mean giving up my job, my home (as Dad can't manage the stairs) and my life...and I'm sorry, but I just can't see myself doing that.
I hope he does settle in to it, though - it is horrible to think of him being so fed-up all the time.
Anyway, I'll see how things are next weekend. If he still can't sleep because of nighttime noises, I'll see if I can't get him moved to another ward; I know there's a few more beds available.
There is the other matter too of having to watch your room-mate slowly die just as you are. Not for the faint-hearted.
It might pay to ask what sort of noises he's having to put up with. Snoring can be VERY bad, but if he's calling out, well that's gotta be pretty bad too as your dad would feel like he's in a mental home with a nutter!
If he has hearing aids, get the nurses to turn them off at night so the other guy doesn't disturb him? (my neighbour says that's the best thing about going deaf - nothing disturbs her at night, which for me will be something to look forward to!)
It does sound a bit rough though that he can't go for a walk around. Is he on a dementia ward?
Try not to feel bad about not being able to do more for him (though it's hard, I know). There is a limit to what a person can do and I'm sure your father knows that. *hug*
The noise Dad complains of is of one of the other gentlemen on his ward crying out in his sleep, but when I asked the nurse about that, she said it simply wasn't true. I will ask for Dad to be moved though, as I know there are at least two more beds available in other rooms.
Dad has been admitted to a so-called PG (or psycho-geriatric) ward, which is why his freedom of movement has been so severely restricted. Personally, I'm still not convinced that he should be there, but both doctors who assessed him recommended he be moved there, and the home isn't going to move him to what they call a somatic ward on my say-so. Dad's removal to the nursing home was forced through by the care home; I fought it for as long as I could but in the end the decision was taken from me, and Dad was just bundled into a taxi and delivered to the nursing home as soon as the paperwork was all in order.
Honestly, when you're old and slightly doddering, it seems you have no rights here in Holland.
It's a pity you hadn't been able to have more control over the move to the home. Did you have any say at all as to where they sent him at least? It all sounds so callous and cold-hearted. :(
A lot of it is down to Dad as well, though, I think. He will have to make an effort and get acquainted with the place, the staff, and the other residents;but for the past few years, in the care homes, he's been happy to lock himself away in his room and not participate in any of the activities or programmes the home had to offer. He'll just habve to come out of his shell now and then hopefully things will get better.