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Sometimes it's hard to be a daughter

I'm gradually finding out that there is actually a knack to walking in boots that are too big. My foot ends some 4 or 5 centimetres from the toe of my boot, which means I have very little control over the pointy bit...and also, there's too much room in the boot itself, the leather not encasing the foot snugly, which creates an imbalance. Note to self: buy thicker socks. And put some more cotton wool in.

Meanwhile, I'm still worried about my Dad. We moved him into his new quarters in the home a week and a half ago, and already he's managed to set fire to his carpet by dropping his cigarette several times. But the more immediate problem I'm facing is: what to do about the cat?

During the last 3 years, while he was living in the sheltered housing project, the nurse that came by every morning to give him his medication also had taken it upon herself to make coffee and set out food for the cat. Consequently, Dad got into the habit of letting everything be done for him by strangers and won't do anything for himself anymore - which is one of the reasons we couldn't let him stay in the flat by himself. He's convinced himself that he cannot do things anymore, and gets mad when you suggest he try. Quite infuriating...

In the home, the carers are not supposed to take care of such little things as making coffee or feeding cats, so before we moved him I made sure he understood that the cat would be there on sufferance, and that if he couldn't take care of her, she'd have to go. The poor little moggie is 15 years old and has been with Dad for the last 10 years, and he says he's crazy about her. However, since the move, she has only had 2 feeds: the first, the day of the move when I set out her water and kitty nosh, and the second, 2 days ago when my mother dropped in for a visit.

So, I had another word with Dad and explained once again how the cat was his responsibility and that if he couldn't bring himself to feed her regularly, I would have no other option but to take her away next time I came to visit. Dad just sat and stared out the window, giving no indication that he heeded me in any way.

I'm scared of what I will find when I go over there tomorrow. I know Dad's going to kick up a storm when I take his cat away, but what am I supposed to do? I can't stand by and let him starve the poor thing, can I? And I'm not going to start coming round every evening after work to feed her! I know that's what he wants me to do, but he can jolly well forget it.

Comments

gamiila
Nov. 18th, 2003 12:11 am (UTC)
I think Mum's starting to find out that things will have to get a whole lot worse before they'll start to get better -- I spoke to her last night and she fully admitted she was exhausted after her first full day of tailored therapy. They've agreed on a plan for her treatment and they expect it will take at least a year of full-on therapy for her to...get rid of all her baggage and get back into the swing of things, I suppose. I'm really not too sure about the particulars at the moment.
They'd also like a few more sessions with me and my sister sitting in, she said. We'll just have to see how it goes!
desdemonaspace
Nov. 18th, 2003 02:50 am (UTC)
I am filled with admiration of all of you. (I think participating in someone's therapy is kind of tiring, but ultimately worth it.) Have you heard of EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing)? (Sorry -- might have to click through an ad to view that link.)

EMDR's been very effective with DH's war trauma.
gamiila
Nov. 18th, 2003 02:56 am (UTC)
No, I hadn't heard about EMDR before...Thanks for the link; I'm certainly interested in finding out more about it. Maybe I can discuss it with her therapists...
desdemonaspace
Nov. 18th, 2003 03:55 am (UTC)
This will sound like a quick fix or voodoo, but it's REALLY effective. It's kind of astonishing how well and how quickly it's worked for DH. Take care.

Good luck!