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LJ musings

I really shouldn't be here, doing this. I should be getting ready, getting the groceries in, get the flat all spic&span for db2305's visit...but I just couldn't resist the call of the computer. If giving in to it means I won't have time to stop by the craft shop in my quest for those tiny pellets to stuff a beanbag with, then so be it.

I was surprised to find the centre of town all cordoned off, police everywhere -- then I remembered that Juliana is lying in state here, and they probably expect many people to come and pay their last respects. The funeral is set for Tuesday, so I may have a chance to go to the palace and do that yet. I went to pay my respects a year and a half ago when the Prince Consort was lying in state; it would feel weird if I couldn't find the time to do it for our former head of state. She was the Queen for the first 18 years of my life, after all.

I've been wondering whether or not to mention the next bit for a day or two. I've finally decided to do so because this is my journal: a place for me to unburden myself of all my thoughts, worries and silliness -- private, unless I say so. It's not about me worrying about what other people might think too much, or being politically correct. Or it shouldn't be.

However, it seems I have been sent to Coventry by a certain small group of people for what I wrote in the first two paragraphs of my entry for March 23rd. Not only did they not see that the entry wasn't about them, they also apparently took it to mean something that offended them. Consequently, I have been banned from their community, which is fine; but what struck me was that they never said anything or asked me about what I had meant by mentioning their 'virtual' presence in my life in the first place. Which is kind of disappointing, as up until a few days ago, I thought we had a good enough relationship that if any problems, real or imagined, arose, we could at least discuss them.

It made me realise, though, that one of the difficulties in maintaining a virtual friendship is in the fact that you never see one another. You only learn about the other through your written communication, and without the benefit of body language, facial expressions, gestures and tone of voice to enliven the words, all you have to go on is the bare bones of the message someone who may be at the other end of the world, sends to you. And all you can do when you receive such a message, is read it subjectively.

I hardly ever take offence. It's probably because I'm a natural born optimist with an unshakeable belief in the good intentions of people. I'm slowly learning though that others can be much quicker to react to a text as if they have been bitten, and lash out. And I'm back to the whole point of my March 23rd entry: realising this, would it not be better for me to hold back in my LJ scribblings, to act as my own censor? If I did, what point would there be in me keeping this diary at all?

Of course, I could change the security setting to 'Private' or 'Friends Only', and perhaps I should -- since I seem to have lost my 'Anonymous' readership, anyway, is there any point in keeping it 'Public'?

Anyway, I don't want to be thinking too hard about it now. Better to get back to the grocery haul and the flat cleaning, and see if I can recall where I last saw bogwitch's Winding Roads tape. Too bad I won't be able to get a home cinema installation set up before 6pm tonight...db2305, perhaps you'd better pack a magnifying glass before you head out here: my television set is tiny!



( 20 Speak Like A Child — Shout To The Top )
Mar. 27th, 2004 04:25 am (UTC)
It doesn't seem like you said much at all to me. How sensitive some people are.
Mar. 28th, 2004 11:53 pm (UTC)
I have just been sent an explanation: it isn't that they were offended, it's that they were made aware of how much of a security risk my continued access to the groups posed.
Mar. 29th, 2004 12:27 am (UTC)
You were a 'security risk'? Hee. That's almost an honour.
Mar. 29th, 2004 12:32 am (UTC)
Yes, in a twisted kind of way, I am quite pleased with that. Also, slightly miffed.
(Deleted comment)
Mar. 28th, 2004 11:05 pm (UTC)
Also, I adore your default icon

::pets it:: I do, too! It's one of bogwitch's.

Ah Mona -- reading about your adventures in India makes me want to go there so much...but I'm stuck here in Amsterdam for now. Maybe later...
Mar. 27th, 2004 07:00 am (UTC)
Don't change. It's your LJ, you must manage it as you see fit and write what you want in it - that's the whole idea, surely? It's a shame they feel that way, but if, after all this time, they didn't think they could talk to you on a personal level, well - it's a bit sad for them. Their loss, honey.

Hope you have fun with dutchbuffy tonight, and that you... err... enjoy?... Winding Roads.
Mar. 28th, 2004 11:35 pm (UTC)
Well well well -- I see you finally got your wish: your favourite Spike scene in icon format. Very nice! I take it bogwitch is responsible for the artwork again? We're so lucky to be on her friends list, aren't we? Maybe we should get her a little something in return one of these days? I'm starting to feel as if I'm just take take take all the time, never giving anything back...oh why haven't I got any kind of talent for anything really?!

enjoy?...Winding Roads

Even on second viewing, I couldn't be any kinder in my judgment: it is dire. I think I'm beginning to understand what JM is getting at when he says that good acting is, first and foremost, dependent on good writing. His problem then must be in recognising it when he's sent a script.
Mar. 29th, 2004 12:43 am (UTC)
Don't worry about thinking you owe me anything, because you don't, you're happy to read my rough dronings after all. I like messing around in Paint Shop Pro and sometimes nice stuff comes out of my experiments. I'm only too happy to pass it on. I fact I still feeling terribly guilty about not finishing that calendar, or the wallpaper I was going to do in its place.
Mar. 29th, 2004 12:47 am (UTC)
Oh yes, the wallpaper, and the calendar it was replacing...to be honest, I'd forgotten all about them. Bet you wish you'd let sleeping dogs lie now! ;-)

That's a great Spike, too, BTW.
Mar. 29th, 2004 01:10 am (UTC)
I will do it. I just couldn't figure out the layout. I had the pics all ready and everything (I used one for your icon).

All in a very productive weekend in the icon-making dept. Not in a fic sense though.
Mar. 29th, 2004 01:17 am (UTC)
Not in a fic sense though

So I heard. Never mind, I'm sure you'll get bitten by the fic writing bug again soon; maybe even before the week is out?
Mar. 29th, 2004 01:30 am (UTC)
It's always on my mind, but I just can't write at home. That reminds me I have to reply to Dutchbuffy's comments...
(Deleted comment)
Mar. 28th, 2004 11:47 pm (UTC)
Hope you have a great weekend!

I did, thank you!
Mar. 27th, 2004 09:23 pm (UTC)
It's hard to believe that they took offense, and to the point that you aren't welcome in their communities? If they don't like what you wrote, don't read your journal. I think I said this not long ago, but the point of a journal is to express yourself and your thoughts. It is for you and not for your audience.
Mar. 28th, 2004 11:11 pm (UTC)
Excuse me, but I feel I just have to state the obvious here first: "Hey! You're the right way up now!"

And I fully agree with what you've said: it is my journal, for me to post what I like, how I like. From now on, I'm going to try to stick to that rule, third party sensitivities be damned. ;-)
Mar. 29th, 2004 09:11 am (UTC)
Right way up...well I couldn't be caught lieing around all of the time.
(Deleted comment)
Mar. 28th, 2004 11:23 pm (UTC)
Thanks! Surprisingly, it hurst a lot less than I thought it would. I guess I really have moved on...
Mar. 28th, 2004 01:04 pm (UTC)
Hi, just visiting... Because curious is my middle name I checked out your entry for 23rd March to see what you could possibly have written in your journal to upset these people. And hello? Absolutely nothing there is offensive or upsetting. It is your journal, you have every right to express your thoughts in it. Please don't be upset by the attitude of these (frankly) ignorant people. That they don't contact you is their loss, not yours.
Mar. 28th, 2004 11:20 pm (UTC)
I checked out your entry for 23rd March to see what you could possibly have written in your journal to upset these people. And hello? Absolutely nothing there is offensive or upsetting.

That's what I thought. In fact, I thought the whole entry was kind of bland, and I was surprised to find it got me removed from no fewer than 3 Yahoo!Groups.

Anyway, I have since received an e-mail from on eof the facilitators to explain they have removed me from their membership list because of my admission that I have too little time to participate in the groups anymore, and since the groups are private, they feel there is a risk in allowing people to visit only occasionally. All I can say to that is: fair enough. It would have been nice to have been informed beforehand, though.
( 20 Speak Like A Child — Shout To The Top )
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