Gamiila (gamiila) wrote,

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LJ musings

I really shouldn't be here, doing this. I should be getting ready, getting the groceries in, get the flat all spic&span for db2305's visit...but I just couldn't resist the call of the computer. If giving in to it means I won't have time to stop by the craft shop in my quest for those tiny pellets to stuff a beanbag with, then so be it.

I was surprised to find the centre of town all cordoned off, police everywhere -- then I remembered that Juliana is lying in state here, and they probably expect many people to come and pay their last respects. The funeral is set for Tuesday, so I may have a chance to go to the palace and do that yet. I went to pay my respects a year and a half ago when the Prince Consort was lying in state; it would feel weird if I couldn't find the time to do it for our former head of state. She was the Queen for the first 18 years of my life, after all.

I've been wondering whether or not to mention the next bit for a day or two. I've finally decided to do so because this is my journal: a place for me to unburden myself of all my thoughts, worries and silliness -- private, unless I say so. It's not about me worrying about what other people might think too much, or being politically correct. Or it shouldn't be.

However, it seems I have been sent to Coventry by a certain small group of people for what I wrote in the first two paragraphs of my entry for March 23rd. Not only did they not see that the entry wasn't about them, they also apparently took it to mean something that offended them. Consequently, I have been banned from their community, which is fine; but what struck me was that they never said anything or asked me about what I had meant by mentioning their 'virtual' presence in my life in the first place. Which is kind of disappointing, as up until a few days ago, I thought we had a good enough relationship that if any problems, real or imagined, arose, we could at least discuss them.

It made me realise, though, that one of the difficulties in maintaining a virtual friendship is in the fact that you never see one another. You only learn about the other through your written communication, and without the benefit of body language, facial expressions, gestures and tone of voice to enliven the words, all you have to go on is the bare bones of the message someone who may be at the other end of the world, sends to you. And all you can do when you receive such a message, is read it subjectively.

I hardly ever take offence. It's probably because I'm a natural born optimist with an unshakeable belief in the good intentions of people. I'm slowly learning though that others can be much quicker to react to a text as if they have been bitten, and lash out. And I'm back to the whole point of my March 23rd entry: realising this, would it not be better for me to hold back in my LJ scribblings, to act as my own censor? If I did, what point would there be in me keeping this diary at all?

Of course, I could change the security setting to 'Private' or 'Friends Only', and perhaps I should -- since I seem to have lost my 'Anonymous' readership, anyway, is there any point in keeping it 'Public'?

Anyway, I don't want to be thinking too hard about it now. Better to get back to the grocery haul and the flat cleaning, and see if I can recall where I last saw bogwitch's Winding Roads tape. Too bad I won't be able to get a home cinema installation set up before 6pm tonight...db2305, perhaps you'd better pack a magnifying glass before you head out here: my television set is tiny!
Tags: lj, real life

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