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Meet Manasse

For a while it seemed as if World War III had erupted in my living room, but instead of all-out battle, there was little skirmishes here and there...and the winner, on points, must be the latest addition to my household. Manasse may be little, he's also fearless and of a persevering frame of mind. Perhaps I should have called him David instead...Anyway, he seems to be carving out a place for himself quite steadily, and the girls don't seem to have much of an answer. At first, Leila and Clio were united in their indignation, but by the first morning, Clio started to make overtures after she saw that Manasse shared her interest in chasing little balls of rubber around the room. Leila soon put a stop to her sister's traitorous behaviour, though; and ever since then Clio's been absolutely horrid to my little boy. Things came to a head the night before last when fur started flying everywhere...and then in the morning Leila turned up for breakfast with Manasse in tow. Last night, she allowed him to sleep on the bed with her and me, while Clio kept a jealous watch from on top of the bookcases. When I come home from a few hour's shopping, it's the girls who have gone into hiding while Manasse awaits me on the couch.

He has boundless energy and gets into all kinds of scrapes, but he doesn't seem to care whether he gets stuck here or falls on his head there, and doesn't cry. I remember when Clio came to live with us, she meowed and tried to escape by seeing if she could dig a hole in the parquetry constantly for the first 10 days; but fortunately, Manasse exhibits none of this frantic kind of behaviour -- because I can also remember that at the time, Clio's was driving me round the bend. I can't tell you what a relief it was when she finally shut the hell up, and came to sit on my lap.

For now, Manasse is too busy exploring his new environment to sit still for long. But he is friendly and not at all shy of me or other people, and he seems to have reached some sort of understanding with Leila, which is most important as she's the No. 1 cat in my house.

I'm still happy to be excused from work for a while, but I have just realised there is a terrible downside to my time off: I'm spending money hand over fist, and I don't know what on. I'm frittering it away on unneeded things: like yesterday, I spent a whopping 7 euros in one of those trendy coffee and tea 'galleries' that seem to have sprung up everywhere in the last few years, on just 200 grams of freshly imported tarry lapsang souchong. And I don't even own a teapot!



May. 4th, 2004 03:02 am (UTC)
Eventually she’d looked for somewhere to settle. London had been an obvious choice, but for a Californian girl it had been too cold. A flimsy excuse given to concerned friends, when too many voices that sounded like Spike and she couldn’t tune them out. She’d found that Italy was better, a country so foreign to her and so unlike anywhere she’s ever seen that it felt like a more natural choice to escape to, even if she doesn’t always feel like a part of the place. The chic Italian ladies make her feel dowdy, as they link arms with the Roman men. The men here are so dark; eyes and hair and skin, so handsome, so stylish. Their language rolls off their tongues like silk. There was a good reason why Buffy had chosen Italy. These men look nothing like him.

In Rome the sun shines on her face, like a little piece of home, but it was one of those cities made for lovers. She’d walk through the pretty plazas alone and it’d felt like there was an empty space beside her, his absence an endless echo. She’d tried to lose herself in the art of the architecture and the statues of nude, muscled heroes, athletes and gods she doesn’t know. But somehow, that made her feel worse. Everywhere she was surrounded by physical perfection, but it was the sculpture of his body she missed. She’d looked at the cold smoothness of marble faces, and wished that she’d had another chance to touch the cool stone of his alabaster skin like a lover, while his strong arms were here to hold her through long nights of loneliness and the times when she’s missed him most and thought she’d never love again.

And he’s been back in this world all the time.

"Well, you know what they say, life's a bitch and then you don't die," she covers up the hurt with flippancy, but it makes him smile, she can sense it even this many miles away.
“Just another thing we have in common, Luv.”

Yet another of those silences as they find the words to say to each other. She doesn’t want to fill the void with irrelevant chatter, or with the minutiae of her new Italian life, but she hasn’t the nerve to broach the important things; to get at that tangle of stuff that hangs between them unresolved. She knows he wouldn’t want to know what she’s going to say, while hanging on for every last word. She wants to tell him all those things he wants to hear and never found the time to tell him.
“I’ve missed you,” she blurts out. It seems like an understatement for her heart once lost in dust, blood and bone, now fluttering slowly back to life.
“Me too.”
“So are you going to come here?”
“Should I come to you?”
He sighed, “I’ve been trying to get over you for a long time. I don’t think it’s a good idea.”
“Spike, it’s alright. I…”
“I’m sorry. I just thought you should know. I don’t expect anything from you.”

She doesn’t know what to say, to prove to him that it’s all right when she’s made so many mistakes with words. He’s always heard what he’s wanted to hear, even if it was not what she’d been trying to say. She’d told him that again and again that she wanted normal and that she didn’t want him. Well, her life would never be normal, and suddenly she didn’t want it to be. But it’s important now that he understands what she’s feeling, that he doesn’t dismiss her words like he had when he’d died. It had to count this time, it has to be perfect, because it was so simple to break a heart, but she had no idea how to fix one.
"You're an amazing person, Spike. And I love that about you," she wishes she could see his face, with Spike the detail was in his micro-expressions - all 1001 of them. She needs to know how he feels, and suddenly it’s the most important thing in the world that he still loves her.

She holds her breath for his reply.

May. 4th, 2004 03:06 am (UTC)
Sorry, if all that cutting is a bit annoying, it's the only way I could think of to get it to you and, of course, there's a maximum word limit on comments.

It's been very well received, I'm very pleased - especially as I'd had my doubts about it (and the ending).

May. 4th, 2004 03:33 am (UTC)
Non-work e-mail address: gamiila@hotmail.com

I think -- no, I KNOW, I read this already...didn't I do the feedback thing? Urrrgh - I swear I'd forget my head if it wasn't screwed on...but I know I liked it a lot. And still do. Esp. the way it ends. I love open endings. They allow me to imagine he'll tell her no. ;-)