Gamiila (gamiila) wrote,

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De Amicitia

I received a postcard the other day, from a friend who expressed regret that despite our best intentions at the very beginning of this year, 6 months had passed and we hadn't managed to meet, and that they missed me terribly.

I am a bad, bad friend.

Some two months ago, this self-same person spent over 2 hours in a restaurant waiting for me to show up, but I never did. I'd totally forgotten about our plans, and later cited "crisis at work" as a reason for not even having thought to phone. Shoddy excuse, I know, but it was accepted.

A few weeks ago, I bumped into an old friend from uni, who immediately seized the opportunity to drag me back to their place for coffee, saying that by now they knew that when I tell them I'll call soon and make arrangements, I may mean it sincerely but I'm probably not going to follow-through on it, anyway.

It makes me wonder why people still want to be my friends, if they know this of me.

I used to be much better about keeping the lines of communication with my RL friends open. I remember that years ago, I not only telephoned and/or went round, I also wrote letters. Really long ones, too. I could see someone every day and still think to write them letters at the weekend or send a postcard just to say hi on any given day of the week.

I used to remember people's birthdays. I always made sure the card was in the post 2 days earlier.

Then, something happened. I became hooked on the Internet. I found virtual friends, with whom I mailed and chatted as much as I did my RL friends. And then somewhere along the way, my RL friendships started to fall victim to the vagaries of work pressures and time constraints, while my on-line friendships blossomed. Since few of my RL friends have an Internet connection, I generally can't e-mail them; but I don't really have an excuse for not phoning...except that by the time I get home, I'm usually tired and hungry and all I've got the energy for is listen to some music and chill :-(

Meanwhile, I've heard on the grapevine that yet another friend of mine has recently expressed regret that they haven't heard from me in over a year. And I know that there is at least one other friend that I haven't spoken to in nearly as long.

I am a bad, bad friend.
Tags: real life

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