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De Amicitia

I received a postcard the other day, from a friend who expressed regret that despite our best intentions at the very beginning of this year, 6 months had passed and we hadn't managed to meet, and that they missed me terribly.

I am a bad, bad friend.

Some two months ago, this self-same person spent over 2 hours in a restaurant waiting for me to show up, but I never did. I'd totally forgotten about our plans, and later cited "crisis at work" as a reason for not even having thought to phone. Shoddy excuse, I know, but it was accepted.

A few weeks ago, I bumped into an old friend from uni, who immediately seized the opportunity to drag me back to their place for coffee, saying that by now they knew that when I tell them I'll call soon and make arrangements, I may mean it sincerely but I'm probably not going to follow-through on it, anyway.

It makes me wonder why people still want to be my friends, if they know this of me.

I used to be much better about keeping the lines of communication with my RL friends open. I remember that years ago, I not only telephoned and/or went round, I also wrote letters. Really long ones, too. I could see someone every day and still think to write them letters at the weekend or send a postcard just to say hi on any given day of the week.

I used to remember people's birthdays. I always made sure the card was in the post 2 days earlier.

Then, something happened. I became hooked on the Internet. I found virtual friends, with whom I mailed and chatted as much as I did my RL friends. And then somewhere along the way, my RL friendships started to fall victim to the vagaries of work pressures and time constraints, while my on-line friendships blossomed. Since few of my RL friends have an Internet connection, I generally can't e-mail them; but I don't really have an excuse for not phoning...except that by the time I get home, I'm usually tired and hungry and all I've got the energy for is listen to some music and chill :-(

Meanwhile, I've heard on the grapevine that yet another friend of mine has recently expressed regret that they haven't heard from me in over a year. And I know that there is at least one other friend that I haven't spoken to in nearly as long.

I am a bad, bad friend.

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Comments

( 6 Speak Like A Child — Shout To The Top )
calove
Jun. 28th, 2004 05:35 am (UTC)
You're not.

Lives change, people move on, friendships change. You can't spend your life feeling guilty about that. Besides, true friends know all this and even if you only see them once in a while it feels like you've never been away.

Leastways, that's my excuse.

But, hey, if I have to go a day without hearing from you I may cry :-)
gamiila
Jun. 28th, 2004 06:04 am (UTC)
You can't spend your life feeling guilty about that.

Oh, I'm not. After all, it works both ways, doesn't it? If I can't be shagged to give them a ring, then what's to stop them from seizing the initiative and call me for a change? The mere fact that my answering machine's been broken for the past 9 months or so shouldn't deter them, should it?

So don't worry, I won't feel guilty about my failure to keep in touch with certain people all my life. But just for today though, I thought I'd sit here and wallow.

But, hey, if I have to go a day without hearing from you I may cry :-)

Oh God -- too much responsibility! I can't cope! ;-)
bogwitch
Jun. 28th, 2004 09:59 am (UTC)
If I can't be shagged to give them a ring, then what's to stop them from seizing the initiative and call me for a change?

Just what I was going to say, said the pot.
vegmb
Jun. 28th, 2004 10:34 am (UTC)
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<It makes me wonder why people still want to be my friends, if they know this of me.> Because you are terribly interesting and seem to be a great deal of fun. Who wouldn't want to be your friend!
gamiila
Jun. 29th, 2004 02:31 am (UTC)
Because you are terribly interesting and seem to be a great deal of fun.

Oh. Well. Erm. Thanks. ::blushes furiously::

I'm honoured that you should think so. "Terribly interesting"...From now on, if I'm going to be unbearably smug, it'll be your fault! ;-)
(Deleted comment)
gamiila
Jun. 29th, 2004 02:34 am (UTC)
it'd take the incredible effort of writing a text message or making a phone call?

Yes, it does require an enormous effort, doesn't it? Merely contemplating it wears me out already...
( 6 Speak Like A Child — Shout To The Top )

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