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The camera never lies

calove sent me some pictures taken of me during our recent sojourn in New York. Of course, I already knew that my waistline had expanded over the last twelvemonth, but to know and to see are two different things altogether.

My mother and sister are reed-thin, true Orientals. I, OTOH, have always had a far more sturdy build, and, since age 13, boobs. One morning, I woke up, and there they were, B-cup sized. I remember I was horrified, and from that day on I was never comfortable unless I could wear something loose-fitting enough to hide the damn things.

But, even if I wasn't completely happy with my Marilyn Monroe figure, I never had a problem maintaining my weight until I hit 30. I began losing my sight and was diagnosed with a (benign) tumour pressing on my optical nerve. In order to tackle this problem I was put on large doses of Prednison both before and after surgery, and I swelled up like a balloon. About a year after my first surgery, I was allowed to come off the medication, but I remained somewhat bloated-looking. The doctors told me that it would take a year or more for me to regain my previous shape, and so I never really worried when it didn't happen. On the contrary: I got distracted by the fact that the tumour returned and I had to go through the whole thing again. And after that, it came back once more, in 2001.

My past episodes of blindness have typically lasted 8-10 months; my recovery after that usually took 2-3 months more. They were periods of great boredom and very little activity, so I'm not surprised that I started to gain weight again after each incident, when in 1997 I was over the moon that I'd finally recovered my pre-tumour form and figure (except for my boobs, which were now definitely D-cup sized, and have remained so ever since, much to my chagrin). However, I have noticed in the last year that I don't seem to be able to lose any of the weight I've accumulated since last time. And I'm getting quite worried now...

I lead a sedentary life. I work in an office. I sit on my arse all day. I do yoga, but I hate the thought of real exercise: I don't like jogging. I don't like aerobics. I don't like bicycling. But I do like chocolate.

I eat my greens and non-fattening foods, but they don't seem to do much for me. I'm getting quite disheartened. What is a girl to do?

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Comments

( 43 Speak Like A Child — Shout To The Top )
evenstar_estel
Jul. 6th, 2004 01:22 am (UTC)
I had no idea you were going through so much scary, ugly stuff. I'm very sorry to hear it, I hope things improve for you.

For my particular health thing, I had to radically alter my diet and lost 30lbs in about for months. I stopped eating all grains, dairy and sugars (except natural fruit sugars). I also drink only water. I eat 80% veggies or fruit, and %20 almonds, fish (not shellfish), turkey or chicken.

It's something that will work for everyone. Only problem is that you pretty much need to make it a lifetime thing rather than a 'diet'.
gamiila
Jul. 6th, 2004 02:13 am (UTC)
I had no idea you were going through so much scary, ugly stuff.

No reason why you should; I don't think I ever mentioned it before. And although I'll not deny that it was a scary thing to go through the first time around, after 3 episodes and 6 operations, it's mostly annoying. But...I've remained incident-free for the last 3 years, and with luck, I'll remain so for -- well, ever. Besides, I forgot to mention that I can see perfectly well inbetween my bouts of being sight-impaired.

Your 'diet' sounds like something I might try, and I don't think it'd be too hard to stick to it. I'm a big fan of fish, and, as I'm lactose-intolerant, I don't normally eat or drink any dairy products anyway...but I did plan on cooking spaghetti tonight. Oh well, I can start on my new regime tomorrow, can't I?
(no subject) - evenstar_estel - Jul. 6th, 2004 03:06 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - gamiila - Jul. 6th, 2004 04:14 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - evenstar_estel - Aug. 4th, 2004 12:28 pm (UTC) - Expand
onetwomany
Jul. 6th, 2004 02:37 am (UTC)
First, I'm so sorry about your medical problems, although I'm impressed by how much strength you obviously have. Wow.

As for the weight issues, I can sympathise. I'm the naturally big daughter of two skinny, tiny people too, and I know there's not much you can do about them genes ;) My family just can't understand what my "problem" is, cause they can all eat anything and stay little, so I'm pretty used to being nagged about my weight, and I've long established patterns to try and keep it under control. It's honestly not a lot of fun, and I think I come across as rather obsessive and uptight to my friends - I work out regularly, and I eat very sparsely and concentrate on vegetables and fish and whole grains in small serves, and hardly ever drink (totally un-Australian!). My weakness is diary products, but I'm too scared of my family curse of osteoporosis to stop with that. I do splurge occasionally, because that's necessary for mental health, but I make sure I eat very carefully the rest of the day and exercise more to compensate. It's a lot of work, and I'm still slightly overweight, but I've got one of those horridly obsessive, perfectionist personalities that thinks that's a reasonable pay off.

Um...as far as advice goes, I really can't overtstae the importance of some form of exercise. It doesn't have to be much, but you need to be a little active, and walking is the best start. How do you get to work? Can you park a kilometre or so away and walk the rest of the distance in? Or get off the bus a few stops early? Maybe go for a walk at lunch, or start going to a sandwich shop a few blocks from your office. Always park at the far end of the carpark. Take the stairs rather than the lift. Just little things like that are a help. Once you get into the swing of things, you'll start to want to do more, and the exercise big will take hold, I promise :) Beyond that, just watch calories and fat and try and be healthy. And just in case, get a checkup, cause there can be other factors at work beyond evil genes.
evenstar_estel
Jul. 6th, 2004 03:08 am (UTC)
Broccoli has more calcium than milk :)

Coral calcium is another excellent source, as long as it is balanced to a 1:1 mg ratio with magnesium oxide.
(no subject) - gamiila - Jul. 6th, 2004 04:29 am (UTC) - Expand
bogwitch
Jul. 6th, 2004 04:34 am (UTC)
Eep. That all sounds terrifying.
gamiila
Jul. 6th, 2004 04:39 am (UTC)
Does it? I'm sorry - I tried to tone it down a bit...
(no subject) - indri - Jul. 6th, 2004 06:12 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - gamiila - Jul. 6th, 2004 07:20 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - indri - Jul. 14th, 2004 04:13 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - gamiila - Jul. 14th, 2004 04:35 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - indri - Jul. 14th, 2004 06:09 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - bogwitch - Jul. 6th, 2004 08:59 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - gamiila - Jul. 7th, 2004 01:19 am (UTC) - Expand
meko00
Jul. 6th, 2004 05:21 am (UTC)
Oh, I do hope the tumour won't come back! The horror of turning blind...

I'm actually pretty short (165 cm or 5'4), but I have a pretty solid bone mass and lots of (unnecessary) leg muscles, so my trimmed down comfort weight is 56 kilos (or 123.5 pounds). I'm currently weighing 2.5 kilos above that, but it's on a downward curve. So, not exactly waif-like.

I'm very lazy, but I need to keep in shape due to high cholesterol levels so I usually walk a lot. The only problem is it's very time consuming. Also, I need to regulate what I eat, and while I'd be glad to tell you what I eat it may not help you as it includes lots of LDL lowering stuff such as oats and baked beans. And I try to stay away from chocolate as it's very bad for me unless it's Valhrona or similar, plus it gives me hives.
gamiila
Jul. 6th, 2004 05:44 am (UTC)
Oh, I do hope the tumour won't come back!

Well, from your mouth to God's ear, as they say. But I'm pretty optimistic.

According to all the tables, my ideal weight would be somewhere around the 62 kilos...but I'm well over that. I don't know by how much exactly, as I never step onto the scales voluntarily; and I've always begged the anaesthetist not to tell me what I weigh in as (going into hospital is stressful enough without the added worry that revelation would cause). I think I need to lose at least 10 kilos (i.e. 20-odd pounds), possibly more. I think I'll be aiming for 12...but hey! the way things have been going lately, I'd be happy to lose 1!
(no subject) - meko00 - Jul. 6th, 2004 07:41 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - gamiila - Jul. 6th, 2004 08:01 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - meko00 - Jul. 6th, 2004 08:52 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - gamiila - Jul. 7th, 2004 01:28 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - meko00 - Jul. 7th, 2004 03:48 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - gamiila - Jul. 7th, 2004 03:59 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - meko00 - Aug. 3rd, 2004 04:19 pm (UTC) - Expand
desdemonaspace
Jul. 6th, 2004 09:08 am (UTC)
You had told me of the blindness episodes earlier, but it's so scary to read about them anew! You are a remarkable person. (((hugs)))

I can SO relate to the "waking up with boobies" thing. It was the 6th grade for me. Never liked them. My big weight gain came with learning to drive when my marriage went to hell. I'd biked everywhere prior to that. So exercise seems to be key.

(What finally did it for me, weight-loss-wise, was gastric bypass surgery. But that's so extreme. You have to be 100 lbs overweight to qualify for it. But it worked like a charm. I went from 253 to the mid-130s. That was too thin, so I'm trying to maintain in the mid-140s.)
gamiila
Jul. 7th, 2004 01:37 am (UTC)
I'd biked everywhere prior to that. So exercise seems to be key.

It's slowly beginning to dawn on me, that letting my bike rust away in the cellar might not have been the smartest thing I ever did. I'll see if I can locate the keys to the lock somewhere, then take it round the repair shop this weekend. I may not like cycling much, but at least it's something I can do every day...cycle to the station instead of taking the bus.
(no subject) - desdemonaspace - Jul. 7th, 2004 08:13 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - gamiila - Jul. 8th, 2004 01:21 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - desdemonaspace - Jul. 8th, 2004 06:37 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - gamiila - Jul. 9th, 2004 04:10 am (UTC) - Expand
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(no subject) - gamiila - Jul. 14th, 2004 07:33 am (UTC) - Expand
jonesiexxx
Jul. 6th, 2004 09:16 am (UTC)
1. You are incredibly brave. Thank you for telling us about your medical history.

2. I'm genetically blessed. It's easy for me to stay thin, and I can quell hunger pangs with very little food. However, I can put on weight when go on junk-food binges. (When I was 18, I put on 25 pounds through overeating and didn't take it off till I was about 21).

The secret to staying slim? Self-discipline, I'm afraid. Which for me means eating reasonably-sized portions at meal times, snacking on healthy stuff like fruit or yogurt, and NO junk food after dinner. I exercise for both muscle tone and physiotherapy. But the main thing is food intake.

3. I haven't forgotten the career advice I promised. I'm just very slow at getting things accomplished. Please be patient with me.
gamiila
Jul. 7th, 2004 02:03 am (UTC)
1. You are incredibly brave.

Am I? Funny, you have all mentioned it, but I honestly don't think that I am; not particularly. I just think that when something bad or unpleasant happens in your life, you have no choice but to take a deep breath and get through it as best you can.

3. I haven't forgotten the career advice I promised. I'm just very slow at getting things accomplished. Please be patient with me.

Of course...and thanks!
minim_calibre
Jul. 6th, 2004 09:33 am (UTC)
Wow, what a lot of horrible medical stuff to go through.

Office jobs lead slowly and surely to personal growth of the bad kind. It's what tipped me over from nicely rounded to needs to lose weight.

My mother and brother are rail-thin. My sister was when she was younger. I'm the only one who got dad's "sturdy" build. At 5'2", I'm skinny at 130lbs.

The only thing that's helped is walking, which I'm not doing right now, but which allowed me to drop about 5 pounds in 3 weeks last time I was doing it.

gamiila
Jul. 7th, 2004 03:22 am (UTC)
Office jobs lead slowly and surely to personal growth of the bad kind. It's what tipped me over from nicely rounded to needs to lose weight.

True. I never used to have this problem when I was still working in the field as an archaeologist -- plenty of fresh air and exercise, I was never ill!
Unfortunately, I had to give it up when I first began having trouble with my eyes -- can't be an archaeologist and not see what you're doing!
(Deleted comment)
gamiila
Jul. 7th, 2004 03:17 am (UTC)
Thing is, even if you don't lose a lot of weight, you can definitely hold it and tone your body. If it's all firm and if I'm fit, I've found I'm quite happy already...

Yes, I think that's actually a very healthy attitude to have re: the whole weight/flab-problem. You know what I look like, too, and you know that I can stand to lose a bit -- but if I can get my body back into some sort of shape, I don't think I'll care too much if I can't achieve my ideal weight any time soon.
calove
Jul. 9th, 2004 01:38 am (UTC)
What is it with LJ? First it only sends me selected email notifications, and now it only lets me see certain entries? I'm sure I was logged on yesterday when I checked your LJ and I didn't see this. So, sorry this is late, but...

Honey, you are stunning and very sexy (I saw the looks you got in NYC!), and I'm sorry if the pics I sent you caused you grief. Remember, the camera may not lie, but it does add on several pounds!
gamiila
Jul. 9th, 2004 01:49 am (UTC)
What is it with LJ? First it only sends me selected email notifications, and now it only lets me see certain entries?

I know -- it's a mystery to me what's going on, and it's starting to piss me off a bit. Hopefully, they'll get it sorted soon.

I saw the looks you got in NYC!

Looks? I got looks? Oh my, that does make me feel better...but you know I was only interested in receiving the looks of a very certain someone, and I'm not sure I succeeded :( I can't have done, not with all the extra pounds showing.

I'm sorry if the pics I sent you caused you grief

Not your fault, love, not your fault. It's just me being insecure again. I'll get over it.
(no subject) - calove - Jul. 9th, 2004 03:04 am (UTC) - Expand
( 43 Speak Like A Child — Shout To The Top )

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