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I've been waiting for tomorrow...

I'm sure something's gone wrong - I still haven't got my broadband connection and it's been 2 weeks since I've applied for it. I'm getting sorely tempted to plug my computer into the telephone, click on the CompuServe icon on my desktop, and see what happens. Damn! The whole point in me getting a home computer was so that I could go online whilst laid up at home, but at this rate...I'm not so sure I need it now: I'm going back to work on Monday.

Actually, I'm going back in tomorrow, for a meeting with Jobsworth to discuss the conditions for my return, and how he can help make it a successful one - why oh why could I not have kept my trap shut last time I spoke to the company doctor? Why did I not stop myself from giving vent to my frustrations and allow her to stick the burn-out label on me? So that's why it took Jobsworth a month to get in touch with me!
I had expected his phone call a lot sooner, but wasn't unduly worried when it didn't come. Last week, I was starting to feel much better, well-rested, optimistic, not in so much pain anymore -- and then he calls and panic strikes. He says he wants to discuss all the things that bother me and how he can help prevent future problems from arising and I, I just want to flee, find some kind of hidey-hole and stay there. God! he mentioned someone from HR might be there 'to act as mediator' and possibly, the company psychologist, too...the company psychologist? Could I be in deeper shit?
I don't want to go to this meeting. He or they'll make me say unsmart things. I'll sound like a whining bitch, and I don't want to. How did I get myself into this? How do I get myself out?

Anyhow -- presuming I survive tomorrow's meeting with a bare minimum of embarrassment, I'm positive going back to work will do me the world of good. I'm quite curious to see how my projects and clients have been faring in my absence (I wonder if Sophie's stepped up to the mark this time?), and I'm starting to miss the social aspect of it as well. Over the last couple of weeks, I've (re-)read 7 or 8 books (some more interesting than others), watched 3 or 4 DVDs (but however big my fondness for Chinese fightfilms, I really can't fill my entire days with them), and I've had a friend stay with me for a week, forcing me to indulge in the touristy thing for a bit - a visit to the Peace Palace, e.g., and one to Johannes Vermeer's Girl With A Pearl Earring (Tracy Chevalier, you've got a lot to answer for!); but by now, I'm getting restless. My ankle is improving (I'm down to one crutch now, and I can potter about the house without it) and I feel the need to occupy my mind with bigger and more pertinent questions than whether Bill or Kwame will do the better job as CEO in training of one of Donald Trump's ventures, or whether Carrie should choose The Russian over Mr. Big or vice versa. Never before have I cared either way, but after 5 weeks of watching daytime telly, these are the things that engage me.

My ankle, as I said, is getting better. Still swollen, still sore, but less so than last week. Remco'd taken the day off so this morning, I had to put myself into the hands of his new trainee, Rutger. Lovely young man, so fit and handsome. A footballer, tall and lean, blond, blue eyes, good sense of humour. The morning had barely started, and I was already flirting. Ah! sometimes, it just feels so good to be alive!

Comments

( 7 Speak Like A Child — Shout To The Top )
bogwitch
Nov. 11th, 2004 03:54 am (UTC)
Good to here you're getting better, but big scary meeting sounds awful. Good luck with that.

gamiila
Nov. 13th, 2004 05:50 am (UTC)
Big scary meeting over -- and it wasn't too bad. I decided the best thing would be for me to take charge, and I did, and now we've come to an agreement: I'll ease back into it, 10 hours a week, coming in on Mon-Wed-Tue and just concentrate on my "core business". We'll reassess at the end of the month.

The meeting went well, until Jobsworth had to stick his oar in in the last 5 minutes, and started lecturing me about 'productivity' - he'd looked at mine over the last month or so before I fell ill and had noticed a decline there...so if I hadn't been performing to my usual standard for some time, how could I claim to have felt the pressure of the workload?

Really, some people. I left it to the company doctor to explain to him that decreased productivity is a symptom or result of stress, not the cause of it.
bogwitch
Nov. 13th, 2004 05:54 am (UTC)
What a dunce.

The 10 hours seems ok. Did you mention the commute?

I'm just off to work now, I've got to work all weekend. :(

Won't keep me from LJ though. :)

0r Ebay. I'm after a hat.

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&rd=1&item=6720320223&ssPageName=STRK:MEBI:IT

Oh, and did you see I finished chapter 6?
gamiila
Nov. 13th, 2004 06:12 am (UTC)
Oh, and did you see I finished chapter 6?

You did? That's wonderful! Guess what I'll be printing off/reading Monday? And Cass's story too, of course; I haven't even started on that. I'm so behind on everything!

Nice hat -- I can so see you in it! Hope it'll go your way.

Did I mention how much I'd like to have Internet access at home now, please? I want to find stuff on eBay too, and I want to put pics of my shoes up, and read updates to stories if and when they happen, and...

bogwitch
Nov. 13th, 2004 06:27 am (UTC)
Can't you chase them up?
gamiila
Nov. 13th, 2004 06:32 am (UTC)
Already tried. They'd lost my application. We sorted it out over the phone, but just before he rang off, the person on the other end said "you do realise it can take up to 6 weeks to go through, don't you?" Useless!
bogwitch
Nov. 13th, 2004 06:39 am (UTC)
That you drive me mental too.
( 7 Speak Like A Child — Shout To The Top )

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